We have been back and forth all week this week with Brinley's fevers. Thankfully she has not been admitted, but she is borderline...her ANC went down to 500, anything lower than that combined with a fever is a direct admission, so we are hoping for no fever this weekend! The virus should be about done (they are quite certain it is a virus).


So I was having a pity party with all of the back and forth, finding babysitters, hauling Mylee to the hospital, blah, blah, blah. Fevers trump everything, all plans for everyone else get the back burner. It can be very "inconvenient". So as I was having this pity party, I had a realization. This is our price. This inconvenience in our lives is the price we are paying for Brinley's life. A price we will all GLADLY pay. Suddenly it seemed like NOTHING to me. OF COURSE I will rush to the hospital for fevers, chemo, etc. OF COURSE I will give IV antibiotics all night long (okay so David did most of the night meds, but you get the point.) OF COURSE I will do my part without complaint so that she can live. Of course. It is nothing at all, a small price to pay to have her here with us. So this is me telling myself off:
Shame on you for being annoyed at the "inconvenience" of hospital trips. Shame on you for whining about medicine, and masks, and such. Shame on you, Kristin! There, it had to be done, I'd rather it come from myself than from someone else!!

It is a different story when she is in pain, that is about her, not about me. Inconvenience for me and pain for her are two different things, and she is paying a much higher price for her life. I want that part to be over for her. But I will do my part as a member of the team of people that is saving Brinley's life. And I will do it without whining!

6 comments:

Ali said...

I don't know, I believe you should be allowed to while a little every so often....

Of course, no one will be calling on me to teach the next lesson on enduring with a smile.

Lori Orr said...

Will you ever run out of incredibly wise lessons to teach the rest of us?

Stacy said...

You amaze me!

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Tricia said...

I totally agree that you are allowed to whine. You are enduring very tough times. I don't have nearly the daily life you do. I have two healthy kids that make me whine. You have 4 and one is an infant. You are a great mommy and going through a very tough time. I'm sure you don't show your weakness with Brin, she only sees a strong mommy who shows how much she loves and cares for her. You have every right to whine, cry, and laugh when you can. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are wonderful!

gibson said...

i hope mylee gets better