I haven't written, but things are going just fine. Brinley is feeling fine and the jaw and leg pain seem to have disappeared, so the vincristine must be out of her system. I, however, have been more frustrated than normal. I have no excuse and have been quite disappointed in myself, I generally have a good attitude. So yesterday I turned a corner. I was feeling so bad about everything that was totally out of my control. It was consuming my thoughts and I couldn't concentrate on anything else, except these things that I can't do anything about. I try not to write too depressing stuff, which is why I haven't written much (okay, sometimes I write depressing stuff, I know). So here's the good news, yesterday I told myself ENOUGH! I made a list of all the things I can't control that are frustrating me. Then I made a list of the things I CAN control and hung it on my fridge and decided to focus on that instead. It completely turned me around! My list looked something like this:

Things I cannot control:
1. The cancer in my child's body, whether or not she will be cured.
2. Side effects that are caused by the chemo, short and long term.
3. The bills that come in.
4. The amount of income we have.
5. Medical bills.
6. The phase of life I am in.
7. The feelings of my children.
8. The actions of others.
9. How I am treated by others.
10. The trials I will have to go through.
11. How many hours are in the day, and how much I can do in them.

Things I can control:
1. My face - smile, frown, make up, hair.
2. The way I treat other people - family, friends, strangers.
3. How clean my house is. (Okay, so that one can switch from list to list, depending on the day :) )
4. The time I spend with my kids, and husband.
5. The way I handle money issues, what to spend money on.
6. How I help Brinley cope with side effects.
7. The way we choose to live.
8. How happy my family is. (doesn't that directly depend on how happy mom is??)
9. My spiritual well being.
10. What I choose to do with my time, priorities.

So all day I looked at my CAN control list, and worked on those things. It really made a difference, I can control a lot of things about my life! I can smile at my family, even during tough times! I can control that, and I did! Sounds trivial, but a big deal when mom is always stressed. So I will leave that list on my fridge until it is in my head permanently. Please don't think I'm a grouchy old hag, I just haven't been myself. It's funny how discouragement creeps in and slowly overtakes you without you even noticing. Before you know it you are a different person and it's affecting everyone you come in contact with. Well, I'm giving it the boot!!! (don't hold me to it forever, surely there will be off days.....and you all know I'll write about it when it comes!!!)

Brinley has been tagged by Serenity. http://www.liftingupserenity.com/

7 things you may not know about me:

1. My favorite song is "Pumping up the Party" by Hannah Montana, I love to sing along with my sisters.

2. I love to run and pump my arms as I go like the girls on my sister's soccer team, except I stick my arms straight up in the air and pump then at the sky.

3. I have been know to hit or push or take away a toy just so that I can smile and say sorry and give a hug.

4. I like to tell my family I am "peeping"(sleeping) and close my eyes until somebody says "Oh, Brinley is sleeping, shhhh!), then I smile in my sleep.

5. My favorite thing to say when I am mad is "FINE", I don't know why I say it, but I hear my sister say it when she is mad, so it seems like the thing to do.

6. I love mini snickers and lollipops, and I will take one bite out of it and give it to my mom then ask for another one. I guess I don't like to eat my own germs.

7. By the time I was six months old, my parents knew that I was the feisty one in the family, and I have held true to that, cancer doesn't stand a chance against me!!!

I am tagging Abe and Hank!

Brinley is having some jaw pain this weekend, and this morning is saying her head hurts. I'm sure the jaw pain is from the vincristine again, we had to give her oxycodone Saturday because she was crying so hard, but it hasn't been quite as bad since. We all went to church and Brinley was able to play with her friends in nursery, she had fun. All in all, it was a good weekend. I'm curious what her counts are at, we won't find out until next Sunday.