First - a quick update. We are doing great, the camping trip was really fun, although Brinley really wasn't feeling great. We just figured she would have been feeling sick at home too, at least she had a little fun. I'll post some pictures later of our trip. This week has been a pretty decent steroid pulse, so we don't have much to say except sorry to have been so quiet. In all honesty, I have been trying to sort through the medical bills and it has become a huge and stressful task that has taken way too much time and energy, so I have been a little overwhelmed.
I have been doing some thinking, however, as I go through this crazy life I am living here on earth. I will try to put my thoughts into words and make a little bit of sense. Our lives are made up of moments. These moments, that come and go, that's it. That is what our lives are. Think about one day in your life. What moments made up your day? Were they all full of joy? Probably not, unless you are Mary Poppins. For example, I did dishes, laundry, put kids in time-out, solved fights, made lunch, did dishes again, argued with the kids, made the bed, bugged Taylor to practice piano, changed kids clothes, changed diapers, lost my temper, took out the trash, called the insurance, sorted through mounds of bills, gave medicine, etc. None of those things were pleasant, yet they are part of my life. Not to say I couldn't take out the trash while whistling a happy tune, if you want to prove me wrong, but I don't enjoy the things on that list. Not even a little.
So do I experience joy every second of my life? No. But it tells us in the scriptures "men are that they might have joy". So where's the joy? Yes, you can have an overall joy in your life, and I really do have that, but I have really been thinking lately about these moments we experience. Let me tell you what other moments have made up my week. Brinley told me I was her best friend and laid her head on my shoulder. Taylor wrapped her arms around me and just hugged me from behind. Jade told me her heart could never stop loving me. Mylee smiled her big happy smile. Taylor, David and I played games and couldn't stop laughing. I kissed each of my kids and breathed in each of their scents. I watched my kids play and be happy. I watch my little girl with cancer loving life again. I sat by a river and put in my feet. I saw the beauty in nature. I watched families come together and share in each others lives. Could life get any sweeter at those moments? I take them and tuck them away.
Some of those moments will be forgotten, some I will never forget, but I hope that someday I will get to somehow relive them, or replay those sweet moments in my life where I experience pure joy. I would take all the bad in my life for just one of those moments. I remember during induction, the first month of treatment, in all the darkness, once in a great while we would get a little smile out of Brinley. If I could have burst from happiness I would have. How could I feel so happy at such a dark time? The darker the times, the more wonderful it feels to see some light. Who cares about light when it is always bright out? It's the man who sits in the dark all day who really appreciates the light. If he could capture it and bottle it he would. Wouldn't it be great to be able to hold on somehow to those precious moments that make life worth living? To somehow bottle it up and open it later when everything is dark again. Maybe Heavenly Father is holding onto them for us and he'll give them to us when this life is over. Here Kristin, here is your bottle of moments. hehe. Now I think I am getting delirious, so I'll stop before I get any wackier. Just thankful for the "moments" that make up my life.
Posted by Kristin at 10:26 PM
Brinley's Cancer Fighting Friends
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