Well, Brinley woke up crying with a stomach ache, and I expected we'd end up in clinic again. I decided to give it a couple hours before calling, since her temp was not above 100, but she was quite lethargic. After an hour or so, she perked up and has been playing a little. So I feel good about that. I still don't think the culture grew anything because they haven't called. I am hoping it was just a bug. She still has "sick eyes", but she is certainly feeling much better than yesterday, with no high fevers. I'll take it.

We went back to clinic today to get Brinley another dose of antibiotics and check counts, because her fever continued to go up to almost 103 every time the tylenol wears off. Her ANC, which was 6900 yesterday, had dropped to 3800. I don't really think that means much, except that we know her body is working like it should be and making the cells it should make to fight whatever this is off. The thing that makes me the most uneasy is that other than the fever we don't see much else for symptoms. It'd be nice if she had a runny nose or a cough or something to tell us this must just be a virus. Or for someone else in the house to be sick too. She did throw up a couple times last night, but it was at the height of her fever and I think the fever made her sick. Anyhow, fever without symptoms is never a good thing.

Nothing has grown yet in the culture, if it does they will call and she would be admitted. I am concerned with how she is acting, she is very lethargic, even when the tylenol lowers her fever to the 99's, she just lays there, and her eyes are puffy and sick. I just can't help but let my mind wander...what is going on in that little body? I am hoping she will wake up her spunky, silly self tomorrow. I don't like seeing her like this, it makes me very uneasy and nervous. Jade asked me today if Brinley was going to die. I asked her if she thought that she might and she said yes. I didn't know what to say, well, of course I told her Brinley isn't going to die, but I didn't think Jade had thought about anything like that. She said good, because she would be sad if she did. Ah, my Jade. She is so sweet and kind hearted.

I had a chat with the on call from last night. I figured I should tell him how I felt about our conversation, better to go straight to the source. I told him exactly how he came across, he apologized for coming across arrogant and annoyed and said he did not intend to sound that way. I felt better having spoken my mind, something I have gotten a lot better at lately. Anyhow, it's all good....those things happen.

I almost forgot, Brinley was featured in this month's feature wish on Make-A-Wish's website if you'd like to check it out. http://utah.wish.org/

I'll update in the morning, hopefully it will be all gone, I don't care what kind of weirdy thing it is, as long as it is goes away. Then I can let out my breath. Man, I can't wait for the day when a fever is just a fever.

Geez, I hate to only update when something's wrong, but I've been so busy, I'll get to the good stuff another post.

Brinley got a fever yesterday, so we spent the afternoon at clinic. Her ANC was 6000, that is very high for Brinley, the last time it was that high she was fighting off pneumonia. So the Onc's radar went up for a possible infection, but so far nothing has grown. At least we know her body is doing what it should be doing to fight whatever this is off. We were fortunate to see one of the two oncologists I am most comfortable with, everything he says makes sense to me and I really trust him.

Last night, she spiked to 103 and Tylenol wouldn't even touch it, finally after 2 doses it came down to 101. This morning it was right back up there, so obviously we are going back in for another dose of antibiotics. It's so hard being a cancer mom sometimes, you second guess everything you do. If I call, they think I'm annoying, if I don't call they say "why didn't you call us?" I was scared last night with her fever because that's what happened last time she was septic, so I called and the person was obviously very annoyed to be awakened, or whatever it was I interrupted. So I got the "you-shouldn't-have-called-you-crazy-out-of-control-cancer- mom!" attitude. I went to bed and cried, I don't mean the boo-hoo, someone hurt my feelings cry, I mean the boiling-hot-burn-your-face-off-I'm-so-freakin-mad cry. I know it's inconvenient and all, but geez, it's inconvenient for me too, and I don't get paid for my inconvenience!! So just deal with it and be nice to the crazy-call-you-at-11pm-and-interrupt-your-lovely-dream mom. That's all I ask.

Anyhow, we'll take any prayers you want to give us, hopefully it's just a bug. I'll update later.