Steroid week is always so hard. However, this week I decided to do something different. I have been completely focused on making things happy around here. I have made sure to spend a few minutes each morning praying and reading the scriptures so I remember what this life is all about. Then I turn on some hymns all day. Literally. All day. I feel so in tune with the Lord and it has had such a calming affect. It has helped ME tremendously. I have avoided talking on the phone and other distractions, like housecleaning (besides the necessities). I've actually been able to get more done than usual because I am actually balancing myself. I have just felt such a peace this time. I am hoping that the rest of the steroid pulse will continue this way. Knock on wood.

Brinley is still sick though. I think the prevacid helps a bit because in the morning she is pretty playful. But by afternoon she just wants to be carried everywhere. I can't leave her sight. David came home from work late the other day to find her in the baby carrier on my chest so that I could cook dinner. Needless to say my back is killing me :)

Her stomach is back to talking again. The quote of the week from her stomach is definitely this one: (don't forget the high pitched voice) "My tummy said 'I want to poop in these panties'. I told him no, we aren't allowed to poop in panties. Only in diapers." She is so funny. She has also been playing puppy all day, but her puppy voice is even higher pitched than her tummy, almost past the threshold of me being able to hear it, it's so high and squeaky. It makes you cringe and laugh at the same time. "Puppy" has been sick today, she says.

We will head back to clinic tomorrow. Why so soon you ask? Because when Brinley was there last week and they gave her chemo early, we all forgot that she needs her new antibiotic and it dawned on me today it wasn't administered with her chemo. I called them and it can't wait until next month so we are going up there for an hour infusion. So frustrating, but oh well. At least I remembered. They put a flag on her chart so it doesn't get overlooked again.

Jade is feeling better finally, with a lingering cough, and thankfully no one else has caught the sickness the girls had last week.

Although I am doing so well this month, I have a bit of a heaviness in me. I guess I'm just tired of this drill. Brinley was asking to go to bed at 7 today. When I was tucking her in bed , she looked at me with what I call her "chemo eyes" (they get dark shadows) and said "I'm tired of being sick. And so is my tummy." I gave her a big hug and let a couple tears out, then I had to just tell her that she has to be sick sometimes to beat the cancer. I told her that someday, she wouldn't feel sick from cancer any more. That got a big smile. Then I told her they would take her port out, and she wouldn't have to get accessed any more. That actually got a laugh. How do you explain such a big thing to such a little girl.

It's those moments that happen within our walls, with no one else to witness it but us and God, that the world will never comprehend. This just shouldn't be, yet here we are. Living, hurting, learning, praying, laughing, crying and loving. All in the same breath.

We have had quite the week. Brinley was feeling better by Friday, so they started her back up on her oral chemo and we started her steroids yesterday. And they are definitely taking affect this morning. We managed to get the prevacid this month, (thank you, you know who you are!) and I am hoping that gives her some relief from feeling sick this month. Her counts were really good, so they are talking about increasing her dose of oral chemo, which would be a good thing. They want to check her again in 2 weeks to see if her counts are still good. I am really hoping they are.

Mylee managed to catch the virus, but it is such a mild version of it I would barely even say she was sick. I guess she's got a pretty tough immune system.

Jade, on the other hand, is still sick. Her fever went away for Friday and most of Saturday, so David and I decided to go on a date (we both needed it!). When we got home, Jade woke up with a fever again. So I will probably take her in tomorrow to see why she's not kicking this thing. Please pray for Jade, it has been one full week for her. She goes from feeling pretty good to feeling sick again and we are getting a bit worried. Of course, as I type this she is playing and tackling Daddy on the floor, so who knows. David and I are not sick, thank goodness, so we will just try to survive steroid week with an added sickie. I'll try to pop my head up for air sometime this week, I think it'll be a rough one.