Sorry for the lack of updates lately, I have just been so busy trying to keep up.  I will try to do better, besides this has been such an outlet for me I have missed it.  

Brinley had her clinic visit yesterday.  She got her chemo and started a 5 day pulse of steroids.  The good news is her liver function went way down (it had been very high in the ER) and I was very happy about that.  However she has not been feeling very well lately.  She says she feels sick a lot and is nauseous.  She gags quite often but doesn't throw up, I think sometimes she swallows it back down because she doesn't want to throw up.  They are kind of baffled as to what is making her feel sick, sometimes she gets up and lays around feeling sick for a couple hours before she perks up.  She has also been very hard to handle, I am just at a loss on how to deal with her.  She has been very demanding and is having a hard time being nice to her sisters.  This morning she is feeling particularly sick, understandably since she got chemo yesterday and is back on steroids.  She has cried all morning.   They are trying to figure out if her 6MP is making her nauseous and want me to try giving it at a different time of day to pinpoint if that changes when she feels sick.  Thy may decide to adjust her dose if that is the cause, but I am nervous to do that because then I wonder if she is getting enough chemo to stay in remission.  I guess her counts will tell us if she is getting the right dose.  Her ANC was pretty low, right above 500, which means she is almost neutropenic.  So we need to be careful with crowds.  At least the weather is nice and we can do things outdoors so we don't feel too cooped up.  We have a decision to make because my sister is getting married next weekend and the reception will be a lot of people in an enclosed place.....not exactly where you want to have Brinley when her counts are low.  We will probably have to either mask her for it or one of us miss it.  They want to check her counts again in 2 weeks to see if an adjustment is needed.  

I think we will have a rough week.  I am feeling frustrated and discouraged today.  Sometimes I wish this would just disappear and Brinley would never feel sick again from chemo.  When she feels sick I like to sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow to her, I wish she would understand the message in that for her.  Someday.....

I better get back, both girls are having an emotional morning.  

Today is the day we honor our mothers.  I would like to honor mine.  I have realized this past 9 months that being a mother doesn't stop when your kids are gone, at least not for my mom.  There have been times lately that she has turned back into my mommy.  I remember when David called me from the hospital on September 2 last year and told me to come down there because they were admitting our Brinley for testing.  I was scared, but I didn't know what of.  I called my mom and we talked the whole drive there.  I was in tears, and she was on the internet googling multiple fractures and getting as much info as she could before I got there.  

I remember recently when the doctor thought Jade might have leukemia too, the first person I called was my mom.  She is the one I know is ALWAYS there for me.  If I have a concern that I am quite certain everyone else in the world will think is stupid, I can bring it up to my mom and not feel like she is laughing at me.  She has traveled to help me so many times, especially this last 9 months, and sacrificed her precious "vacation days" at work to come help me, hardly a vacation, but she knew how badly her daughter needed help, and she is a mother who will make that sacrifice.    

Looking back to my childhood, my mom made so many sacrifices for us.  She quit her job to raise us, and I remember not having much money growing up with only one income.  She clipped coupons, went without new clothes or new things, and did everything she could to be frugal so she could be home with us.  She was always there.  She had been a school teacher and knew the importance of educating us.  We were read to often and were taught the importance of reading to your children.  She is currently at a library working in the children's section, of course, and is still reminding us of the importance of reading.  Our kids know they can always count on their grandma to read them stories when she is here.  

My mom loves to laugh.  She is often laughing the longest at a joke, in fact, the joke usually turns into us laughing at her because she can't stop laughing!  We laughed in our family, and still do, even when things are hard.  We know how to laugh together.  If I tell my mom a funny story, she makes me tell it to the next 10 people we come in contact with, even if it isn't funny to anyone else but her and I. 

My mom is compassionate and feels for others.  She will often cry when she hears of someone else's pain, she can empathize with what people go through, probably because she has been through a lot herself.  She has lost a child, she has experienced the joys and sorrows of raising 5 children, she is experienced in life and has a lot to offer in advice.  

My mom knows how to serve others.  She has been an example of service.  She is not a "LOUD"server, she does it quietly and in her own way, inviting someone with no family to Thanksgiving, taking care of her elderly neighbor, running a meal over to someone in need.  Never expecting praise or worldly recognition.  I know she learned that from her mother, who is always thinking of how she can serve others, even when she is in pain or sick.  If I had to describe my grandmother in one word, it would be service.  

So, Mom, thanks for your years of sacrifice.  Thanks for teaching me about the Lord.  Thanks for teaching me how to be a mother.  Thanks for the blood, sweat and tears that comes with being a mother.  I love you.