That's the only way I can describe this weekend, bittersweet. Friday I watched Taylor play soccer, always fun, and the best part is my mom is in town and kept the kids!! So I just got to go watch without chasing down kids. Then David called and had gotten Jazz tickets from work, so we went to our ward Christmas party and snuck out early to go watch the Jazz. We put Brinley to bed and Taylor is getting into babysitting age, so she babysat. The seats were great, and it was so much fun. And they won. Good times.

Saturday we got together with family for Emily's baptism. That was fun to see everyone, I always get nervous around that many people, but Brinley's counts were good, so we figured it was fine. We got home and started cleaning the house, then Brinley got a fever. My mom came and got the kids, and David and I headed to the ER. When we called the oncologist, he said it might be quicker to just go to the closest ER since her ANC was so high, and have them draw blood to get her counts and do a culture. We debated, we were nervous to go anywhere else, but finally decided it was worth a try. Wrong choice. We were there for four hours! They did not seem very clean, and David and I have become very aware of germs. The minute they walked out of the room, David grabbed the alcohol wipes and went to town sterilizing the room. The doctor came in (very nice doc) and shook our hands, gave Brinley a high five, talked to us for a few minutes, and then said "Let me wash my hands and take a look at her!" Uh, you didn't wash your hands before you came in!! What was the patient before us here for? Some contageous disease! We are used to a sanitizer bottle outside the door, and anyone who comes in is already rubbing sanitizer on their hands. Anyways, we loved the nurse, but they weren't trained in how to draw blood from her line, so we had to walk her through it. It was funny feeling like the expert. Both the doctor and the nurse asked us several questions about how they usually do things when we go to Primary's, so we felt like we were running the show. "Okay, you need to do a CBC and a culture, check her counts first. If her counts are good, give her an antibiotic and we get to go home, if not give her an antibiotic and send us to get admitted at Primary's. Simple as that." But he insisted on doing a chest X-ray, a machine that strapped her down with her arms stuck in the air, she screamed the whole time. Then we had to wait for the doctor to talk to the oncologist to tell him what we already knew, overall we were there 4 hours. Never again. Her ANC was sky high for a cancer patient, 4200, so we got to go home, but he did say that her lung weren't quite filling up all the way, whatever that means, but he wasn't worried about it, no pnemonia spots.
Today she hasn't had a fever, but she has been so grouchy. She has just cried and cried all day. It has been a rough day, that's an understatement. We had to cancel our plans to put up Christmas decorations Saturday because of the surprise fever, so we did that today. It was fun, but I just don't know how to handle Brinley sometimes. I know she doesn't feel good, it's just so hard when she is crying all day and we have to be parents to all 3 kids. During dinner she cried the entire time, and none of us could even hear. I was just imagining a newborn baby thrown into the will I do it? I have no idea. It's really taking a toll. I'm hoping she will be feeling better soon, usually when I am about to snap, things go a bit better, and I am about to snap. I just want to break down and cry with her sometimes, it can be so overwhelming and exhausting. I better stop there for today, because I am feeling discouraged, but looking back over the weekend, we had some great times and some tough ones. That's life, right?
Oh, I forgot a good moment, my mom kept Brinley and Jade so David, Taylor and I could go to Stake Conference (church) and it was so great! I got so much out of it, and I actually got to sit and cuddle with my husband! No chasing! It was definately a high point! They had some great messages.

Here are some of the good moments:

Check out these seats! :)


Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for the Holliday pictures, we are always hungry to see all off you, and these pictures loock wonderful. Enjoy the season. I was reading the message from Elder Wirthlin in october wich was his last for all of us. And I think apply to everyone. We love you very much.
Grandma Torres

Huenu said...

Thanks for the post, you are my personal hero. So sorry to hear about the ER experience, but at least her numbers were high. When you talked about the coming baby adding to all this I just keep thinking that HE has timed all this as is (really, you had no choice) so he will provide what it takes to get through it. I know he will. Hang in there. I wanted to come up really bad this weekend, but it turns out Mercedes has to sing in Sacrament meeting. We'll keep trying for a date to go up. Love, H.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing the sweet and cute holiday spirit. There you go building "us" up again!! So sorry about the strange e.r. experience :( Hang in there...I am glad Brinley is feeling better? Love & tons of hugs to all of you strong & faithful people!!
Aunt Nancy
p.s. you all are doing an amazing job of you

Anonymous said...

We had almost the exact same experience at the ER at UVRMC (in Provo). Unsanitary conditions, clueless docs and nurses. We had to tell them what to do, show them how to do some of it and refuse to allow them to catheterize Serenity. They also insisted on the chest xray NEVER AGAIN! They are just covering their butts as ER docs are used to, they don't have a CLUE of how to deal with our kids! We can deal with and take care of them better than ER can.

Whatever image we used to have of the "God Complex" of doctors is forever gone - if they aren't Oncs they don't get to touch my Cancer Kid. It is totally worth the drive to Primary's!