We are recovering in every sense of the word. Brinley was released yesterday when her ANC went up to 100. That is still very low, but it shows an upward trend so they felt comfortable sending us home. She will need to be on IV antibiotics until she passes 500, and home health will need to come and check her again on Thursday. The onc again suggested a neupogen shot, but I still would like to see what she does on her own. I have a feeling by Thursday she will have increased even more. So we are holding all oral chemo until counts recover. They left her port accessed so we can administer the IV antibiotics and it is like we are in the beginning again, flushing the line and administering medicine, the same way we did when she had a broviac line before she got her port. When she walked in and Jade saw she was accessed, her eyes got huge and she said "She got her line back?? How?? Why??" I think she thought we were starting over again too!

The second part of recovering is un-spoiling. Brinley has had the spotlight for 5 days and it shows. She was able to order whatever she wanted on the menu for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. Everything she needed she got. There were no sisters to fight with or share the attention. So coming home after that has been very difficult. We had several tantrums yesterday (starting at the hospital) and some today. It is frustrating for all of us.

Next part of recovering is David and I. David missed too much work on a week he could NOT miss work, so he is spending all his awake hours at work. I missed too much work too (laundry, housecleaning, etc.) and I am trying to catch up, except when you spend a few days sitting in a hospital room with nothing to do but read, eat, play games, sit, your energy level significantly decreases. So I feel as though I have lost all my momentum and it is taking a while to get it back. I feel sad, not sure why, it was just 5 days. Maybe it all somehow came back to me, the shift to survival mode, dealing with never seeing David or the other kids, never getting things done, missing out on school assignments and homework. It is just exhausting, even for a few days. So I am just making this week recovery, trying to regain the momentum I had just last week....a friend of ours said this is cancer's one last sucker punch because it knows it's on it's way out of our lives. Fine then, get one last desperate sucker punch in. Then you're outta here!!


Chelsea said...

I am so glad you are home. You know... even though you just sit around up at Primary's, it takes it out of you (all the worrying)- so go easy on yourself! We are still praying that Brinley's ANC continues to rise. She is fighting the last battle in her WAR! GO BRINLEY GO!!!

Dani said...

We are so glad you got to go home, but it is so hard to get back into the swing of things. I hope the ANC comes back up quick, being accessed changes Chase's whole outlook. I think it makes him remember he is sick and he hates when he has to stay accessed. Nurse coming today to take counts or next thurs??? Laundry isn't that important (just make sure you have clean underwear and you are good). After your long trip and the hospital you need to sit a bit. We will be praying for Brinley!!!