I haven't updated in a few days because it been a rough week, but for no reason in particular. I guess the sickness kept us in all week, and kept me in a foul mood (especially MY sickness!), and with Brinley being neutropenic, we are once again stuck. This being stuck home stuff is getting so tiring for all of us. All morning she has been saying "go bye bye!" Jade got to go to her cousin's house, but we can't go because we managed to pass on our virus to them as well Since Jade is on the tail end of it I figure she won't catch it again, we'll just do a good scrub down when she gets home. But Brinley is quite jealous of her sister's outing. I finally threw Brinley in the car today after we made a deal we would go to the store if she wears a mask. She HAPPILY agreed, obviously sick to death of being home too, and we went to Kohl's to return some stuff. She willingly wore her mask the whole time, and it was nice to get out. We have miraculously managed to keep her from getting this virus thus far and are quite proud of ourselves for it! I had already deemed it impossible, but now we know, hand washing and masks are key. Hopefully I am not speaking too soon.....

We have decided to take Brinley and Jade trick-or-treating, hopefully it is not too risky, we will just be sure she keeps her distance from people and we will bring along the hand sanitizer. She is so excited, she's going to be a mouse. Now that she's walking better, I think she will have fun.

I can't believe how exhausted I feel just from being home with Brinley all day. She is really draining lately, wanting to be held and played with most of the day. She has lost her appetite and I don't know why. She hasn't eaten more than 2 bites of eggs all day, and has refused most everything else I offer. I'm feeling in a bit of a rut and am trying to dig myself out of it. Hopefully next week will be better. Part of the problem is also that you would THINK being home all day would leave me with a nice clean house, since I am here all the time. But it's having the opposite effect, Brinley isn't letting me do anything, not even fold laundry, and she refuses to nap. AHhhhhhh! Frustration!!!!

Here's another downer: Taylor is in my favorite place. Disneyland. Which would be fine except I was supposed to be with her! We planned a trip with her friends before we moved from Vegas and me and another mom were going to take them to Disneyland. Taylor gave up a birthday party, all presents from us, and saved all her money to be able to go. We decided it was not very smart for me to go too, both financially and for the family, so I had to send her off. Luckily I know she is in great hands with her friend's mom, but I sure wish I was there with her. There's that Hanks in me again, bummed to miss the fun!

After listening to myself I realized I am really starting to sound like Eyore, woah-us me (sp?). So I shall post a teeny little positive paragraph, LOL. Fall is beautiful in Utah. All the leaves are so pretty and I love driving down the street and seeing all the leaves fly around me. We really love it here. Brinley is alive. We are surviving and this is feeling like our new life. Brinley's personality is back, and I cry every time I think about that awful month it was taken away, and here we are, appreciating how funny she is more than ever. We are settling into not getting enough sleep, constant medication, hospital and doctor visits, and it doesn't seem so bad anymore. Although I tear up often when I think of what we are going through, I still feel so grateful for how lucky we are. I had a particularly bad day this week, and received a phone call from a member of my church, who picked a bad time, or a good time, depending on how you look at it, to call. I cried her ear off, I couldn't stop. It was ridiculously embarrassing, but she was at my house within 2 hours with chicken noodle soup to help me feel better and a card. That night another member of our church brought us dinner. Alissa took my kids for a few hours so I could lie down and rest (I was quite sick) and I just thought about how lucky I am to have the support I have when things are rough. I am reminded of a talk from conference by Elder Wirthlin about loving our trials. Sounds crazy, right? I have loved the little things about this that have brought me joy, and there has been so many of them. And it is greater joy that I would expect to have, so I will LEARN to love this trial, even if it isn't until it is all over. Brinley is an angel to our family, I hate what she is going through, but if it means taking the bad along with her, we'll take it. We love our sweet Brinley. Surely there are more storms to come, and we will prepare as best we can for them, and then just survive. Right now I feel like that is exactly what we are doing, surviving, nothing more, nothing less.

7 comments:

Marion said...

You are a brave and wonderful family. I hope Trick-or-Treating turns out well for all of you and that doing something "normal" perks all of you up a bit. I saw Sis. Burch this week, and se was SO excited about having Taylor come. Sad for you to miss out but bravo for making it happen for Taylor!!!

Matt & Jen Hanks said...

Kristin!! I feel so bad that we are so far away from you guys! I wish that we were closer to help you out. It sounds like what you are going through is really rough and trying. The amazing part is is that you guys keep pressing forward and that you will not give up. Kristin, you have always been such a great example to me of an amazing LDS woman and mother. I sincerely look up to you. You are such an incredibly strong person. You are even more of a positive example now than ever. I wish to have the strength that you have to endure through trials of such high magnitude. You are amazing!! Thank you for being the person that you are!! I love you!!!

Ashley said...

We love you guys. Have fun trick-or-treating!

Stacy said...

Hope trick or treating is fun. It is such a great night for it. Usually we have snow or freezing weather but tonight is amazing - perfect for Brinley to go out. Marissa is sick too. She has a high fever and the doctor said her throat is read but she can't tell me what is wrong -so no trick or treating for her. But she doesn't mind I'm sure! Hang in there!

JohnH said...

It's nice to hear a bit of normalcy, however fleeting it may be. I delivered Taylor to her friend's house for her Disneyland trip and I can tell you she is truly excited about it. When she arrived, your Mom and I took her to In n Out for lunch and then home for a while we waited for her friend to come home from school. We had a nice brief time with her and so enjoyed it.

BTW, it's "woe is me." :)

JohnH said...

P.S. I almost posted that as Taylor. She had been on my computer while she was here and left her Google account logged on. But I caught before what would have been the THIRD mishap. :)

Anonymous said...

Kristin,

My name is amy. I found you from all.org and was checking out your blog sight and realized that you are from utah. We are from utah as well. My son was diagnosed with pre-b cell High Risk may of 07. He is in maitenance now and doing well. I just wanted to tell you that it really does get better. It's a rough first year and it felt like forever, but once you get into maitenance, you'll see a big difference. I was also pregnant with twins during our first year. We made it and so will you. My email is angelheartctr@yahoo.com if you have any questions or just need some help. I understand how hard it can be while being pregnant and having a cancer kid.

take care