Let me just explain a little about yesterday. I really want to be honest with my feelings, while I read other people's blogs who have gone through this, my favorite posts are the ones when they are feeling weak and discouraged, because it makes me feel like I am not alone in my feelings. I thought about deleting it right after I wrote it, but decided to just let it be. It was a bad day and we are wearing down, but we will make it through. Someday someone going through this may read our blog and see that it okay to have bad days where you just say "this sucks". Because it does. No matter how positive you may feel, it does. That said, all I really want from people is to say that feeling that is okay. There aren't magic words that will take away those feelings, they are part of this process. I promise if you just say yes, Kristin, this sucks, that will be enough. And we will move on and fight this battle, wage the war the best we know how. And when it is over, we'll look back and see what we learned from it.

As for Brinley, last night she got diarrhea for the second night in a row, and was having a lot of stomach pain, so we decided to call the oncologist. She said we better bring her in to get checked out, so David took her to the emergency room at 11 last night. Everything was fine, here blood counts were low, but that is expected with a child during chemo, so no surprise there. She was dehydrated, so they gave her an IV for a bit, but there were no infections in her blood, so she was okay to go home. Hopefully there won't be any more today. After being up at the ER most of the night, she was wide awake at 6:30 this morning! So my mom got up and took care of her to let us get some much needed sleep. She was sure here on a good weekend, it had been a tough one and I am glad she is here. She leaves for Las Vegas tomorrow :(

3 comments:

JohnH said...

This sucks. But I'm glad you can get a respite once in a while.

Jacqui Durling said...

Hi Kristen,
I'm one of the mom's from the ALL list. I read your post from today and have to tell you as someone that is a little further into treatment, it does suck and it is okay to feel that way and say it when you have too. I know that when I post to Danny's site sometimes, I try hard to keep it positive and not really let the readers know how bad we hurt or how difficult this road it. However, there are those days when I just can't be upbeat, although I try. I will keep your family in my prayers. This is a long journey. There are good days and bad. Let's hope your good days far outweigh your bad.
Hugs to you all,
Jacqui
www.caringbridge.org/visit/bubbadurling

Marianne said...

Hi Kristen,
I'm another one of the mum's from the ALL list. When I read all your entries it took me back to when our Anika went through her first fight with ALL. She was 22 months when first diagnosed and I remembered so much how our time was with getting used to all the drugs and the pain and those horrible toddler tantrums (that had a "qsychotic steroid twist".) I am so sorry for the hard time you are having. There isn't much I can say that will make it easier for you right now while going through such an intense time of the treatment except that you have a lot of people thinking of you and praying for you during this stressful time

Hugs to the whole family
Marianne
www.caringbridge.org/visit/anikawilke